Thursday, December 15, 2016

Alien Heart

To me feelings are strange
They make me feel deranged
I find more comfort without
They make me act out

When I feel
It is foreign
Alien to my heart and brain
I’d rather have a block of ice
No feelings would suffice

Feelings allow there to be a slice
Easy to cut through
Like fresh bread
Vulnerable, soft
This is how you get hurt

I’ve let the yeast work
Hardening the bread
Solid as a rock
Impenetrable, rough

Should I be like Dexter?
Sociopath with no heart
Sometimes I feel like him
But at least it shows I can feel

Could it be primal?
Could I be an animal?
Beasts have no feelings
They are just savage
Feelings show weakness in the animal kingdom

I don’t feel the need
It’s not that I don’t care
I just don’t share
What you feel
Nor do I understand it

The neurological connection is there
It must be very thin
Others are like a river
Where mine is a trickling stream struggling to flow

Men seem to be less emotional
It isn’t really negotiable
Could this be the ‘Y?’
Feelings are foreign to me

Is it cultural?
Evil at every turn
Sin so prevalent and common
This could be why I have no discern
My heart frozen by the forgotten

Death is everyday
Another doesn’t make me sway
One cannot break
Something already shattered
Did frequency vibrations destroyed the window to my heart?

Could it be environmental?
Feelings are a flower
Mine never bloomed
Never stood a chance
Thirsty for attention
Shadowed by necessity

Flowers need water and light
As much as a firm foundation
But the ground was barren
My heart reaps what was sown

Flowers are womanly
You need to be manly
The environment wasn’t suitable
For my feelings to bloom beautifully

The truth is
It isn’t any of those
It lies within myself
I look for an excuse
As an addict looks for a new muse

This wall needs to come down
I’m the only that can bring it to the ground

I fear though
It is scary
What if I get trapped beneath?
Under the wall

I cannot breath 

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